Moving Toward the Light

Darling Girl Tika Joy Fisher- Bull 

Sunny Honey Summer 2020

Amazing Tika, My Healer 2016

Forever My Bestie

Sun Kissed 

October 12, 2020

Presque Isle/ Erie, PA

Early in the morning on October 12, my darling, beautiful kitty, Tika, allowed me to hold her close as she moved toward the sparkly light of Heaven. As many of you know, she was light. She had a purity of spirit about her that touched both people, and animals alike. If they stopped long enough to look at her and take in her sweetness, they were forever changed. I'm in awe.

Tika adopted me as her mommy one day when I visited Alan (her Earthly father, lol), in Newburyport, while living in NYC. I was recovering from being really sick and was still very weak. I arrived and plopped on the couch. Tika came and laid on my heart. Alan said that is something she never did. I came to learn she hated to be picked up and very rarely would sit on someone. (She did sit on cousin-in-law Pete once though when he visited, but I think she had a crush on him). In that moment, I felt she chose me, with all of her healing, loving amazingness, but it wasn't until after our other sweet kitty Bailey passed away that I really leaned in and understood the pure beauty of Tika. (Our special and unique Bailey baby was upwards of 18, drooled from one side of her cute little mouth because of an unknown outdoor injury, loved to be picked up and held like a baby and meowed super loudly and abrasively, kind of like if Gilbert Gottfried held an extended low note after smoking 20 cigarettes. Wish I could emulate it for you right now, though you probably don't.) 

Me, Tika, Alan

My best friend April visited us all and after Bailey went to Heaven, said "Take good care of Tika and give her lots of love and attention. She's a good girl." Those words nestled into my heart, just as Tika would in the coming years. She taught me so much; how to be calmed and guided in a new and transformative way through her magical spirit, to really care for someone in the later stages of their life, how to love another creature with all the fear that comes from the thought of losing them, and still deciding it is worth it, to surrender and trust the will of God, to rely on loved ones for assistance, to be marveled by God's provision in small and big ways, and interestingly, she taught me about obedience.

Something I noticed about Tika early on is she began to trust me. What that looked like was her following me, and allowing me to help and care for her. She was indeed a good girl, she never, ever made us worry. She never ventured out to dangerous places. If she had, it wouldn't have meant she wasn't "good", but what a gift she gave by being smart about her adventures and trusting us that it wasn't safe to go toward the street. For the first time in my life I began to reflect on what obedience meant, and how God as a parent wishes to keep us from getting hurt by trying to steer us away from things that might harm us. And how I so often don't listen, but what if I did?...

She loved a good adventure! We aren't sure where she lived before she and Alan locked eyes and fell in love at the Newbury Animal Hospital, where Tika had been picked up as a stray. She was there for a little while and liked to jump up on the counter, so lively and sweet when people came in. At home, she loved to climb trees, fences, chase the feather toy, and jump up in to the attic rafters. She would spend hours sitting and laying in the sunny tall grass in the back yard and any smushy, sunny spot inside. In the Summers she would wake Alan up gently at around 6:30 AM and lead him outside, or come tap me on the head at 10:30 for me to let her out. I felt like she was saying "Hey lady, wake up!". She and Bailey would curl up in two little balls, one at Alan's head and one at his feet. Then later, Tika would sleep on my pillow above my head, and in colder months, would burrow under the covers and snuggle the inside of my arm laying her little head over my arm. (Gosh, I love her!) Then she discovered the futon with the down comforter in the spare sunny room in front of the heat vent and for awhile that became her jam. 

She sang this sweet little trill at the beginning of each meow, then as she got older her meow became a little squeak (oh my heart!).

Then, her circle of love widened. Our kind friend Kate and her daughter came to care for her once while we traveled to see out of town family. Our great friends Leanne and Erik saw how dear she was and loved on her in ways that meant so much. Erik once referred to her as "The most innocent being on Earth". Leanne welcomed Tika and I into her home and her cat Boo shared her food and feather toy with Tika and wanted to play with her. 

At the ripe age of 14 she was still an amazing huntress, killing mice like a savage! I'm like..."Who ARE you?!"

Somewhere in there Tika got obsessed with eating coconut oil, which made her fur kind of stick up like a porcupine, but it was her favorite treat! Then she got super into sushi-grade scallops at Newburyport Fish, so I supported her expensive habit until we moved from New England. With Alan's beautiful and selfless help, Tika ever so bravely embarked on the 9 hour car ride to her new home in Erie, PA this past March. She slept next to me on the front seat in her little bed the whole way, barring the occasional venturing to the top of the back seats to look around at the world.

Tika and I had a silent understanding regarding many matters. After Bailey passed away, Tika told me from her heart to mine, that she loved her life so much and wanted to hold onto it as long as possible. I understood that she would choose the time of departing from this form of life. I let her know I would support her in her journey; to help her live as long, healthily and happily as possible. 

When we arrived in Erie, Tika instantly explored the sunny back yard and walked over to these little statutes of a 17th Century couple and sat with them. #BFFS. She would sit and lay in the sun for hours and hours. She probably thought we moved to Miami or something...

Friends 4 -EVA.

My little honey girl began to have some health issues. Dr. Jenny and all of the caring nurses at Millcreek Animal Hospital helped her so much. I learned a lot about elder kitty care, especially ones who have kidney struggles, like that wet food is good for them and dry food sucks the moisture out of their body, and that administering subcutaneous fluids really helps them a lot so the kidneys don't have to work as hard. It's helpful to warm the water up but not too hot, and make sure to keep the site where the hose connects to the fluid bag above the water so it doesn't become contaminated. To always keep the needle sterile and if it touches anything to replace it. To make sure it's hanging high enough so that gravity can pull the water down so you don't have the needle under the first layer of your cat's skin then the dumb water doesn't come down the line. To always purge the line before every use. The way to squeeze the scruff of their neck so the needle doesn't hurt them. To put certain but not all of the meds in a small amount of food, as to administer less meds via syringe in the mouth. That there's such thing as kitty mouth wash, and if you don't wanna put it in their water, you can put some on a sterile cotton ball and just rub in on the gums. But most of all, I learned to find a good vet and follow their instructions. 

I knew I sounded a little cray, but felt it important to use positive, life affirming language around and about her journey. People would make sure I knew what the journey held in store and I understood that none of us live here forever, but wanted to pray and believe in miracles, hope, help and healing, which all came in abundance. 

The little neighbor girl across the street, Lianna, literally saved Tika's life when she got spooked because of stupidly loud fireworks. While in the back yard she wandered across the street then stopped half way across. A car came and Lianna from her yard yelled "STOPPP!!!" and they did! Praise the Lord!

My amazing angel neighbors Brad and Aaron, as well as April, Tika's bestie, came to care for her while I was at work. April would take her outside, pet her, love her, and do all the special little things she knew Tika needed and loved. Becca and her kids, especially her little daughter Mira took to Tika and sat with her, even on the days where she had less energy and appetite. Mira pet her, looked at her, sat with her in the sun and gave her such courageous love. Kelly and her kids loved on her and made us the sweetest cards when she passed. Darian helped with her fluids and brought his pitbull/shepherd mix, Roscoe over for a visit and Roscoe went up to Tika and licked her entire face. From there they sat next to each other eating cat food and when Tika was done with her lactose- free whole milk, he finished it off for her. Ray, at L'Arche Erie, adopted Tika as his God-Daughter and would say daily "I see God in her, I love her dearly. I have faith in her." The thought of Tika would sometimes be the only motivator to get him out of bed. I'd say "Be strong for Tika.", and he would, because, well, he's her God-Father! <3 Lisa at L'Arche Erie prayed for "Caaaaat!", and made her amazing cards. My job accommodated me in loving ways. And Holly, dear Holly, a true angel of an animal whisperer came to help care for Tika the last days of her time here, by spoon feeding her the concoctions I left when I had to work, petting her, changing her bedding and loving on her. 

Around October 9th, I told Dr. Jenny what was going on with Tika and she said it sounded like she was trying to pass and gave me some pain and anti-anxiety meds to help her stay comfortable at home. Still, I felt strongly she wanted to be the one to decide her time. My mom helped me with trusting this intuition. I was praying she would remain peaceful and had a feeling she would. She did. So classy, and so freeking calm. My little honey girl. She even started eating the last few days again! She ate some good rich wet food with milk and water by spoon, had her meds and slept. Brad and Aaron picked fresh wild flowers and placed them around her on her bed. The night before she passed away I held her close on my chest and we fell asleep for a while together, then I tucked her back into her comfy bed which she always loved to curl up in.

At about 7 AM, I had my hand on her paw and heard the faint sound of her breathing become irregular, which woke me up. Placing my other hand on her soft tummy, I could feel her heart beating irregularly too, and her breath followed. It remained this way for a few minutes. Assuring her it was good to go to Heaven and that I loved her and would meet her there one day, her heart ever so peacefully stopped, then her breath did too. 

I called Steph a little while later and she came over and helped me bury her in the back yard by her favorite little friends in the flowers, along with the pretty garden angel that my Aunt Judy got us when we moved in. Then Steph took me to Longhorn so I could get mashed potatoes and day drink. When she dropped me off back at home, she urged me not to dig up the hole...(I hadn't thought of it until she gave me the idea...Don't worry, I didn't, obvi...!)

Thank you ALL for all of the healing prayers! Some of you were our prayer warriors, when I beckoned to you for support, like Mama Fish and Todd, Tika's "step father", whom she never met but had spiritual connections with. Christine at L'Arche Boston North who asked about Tika every time I saw her and prayed for her in her last days here. Friends Nick, Ben, Paul, and Zachary in Chicago who were so present to me from afar and reminded me that as a sign in Chicago said, "We are a constellation of heartache and hope. We grieve together". Christine Lillian who sent me a pop up card of a cool jazz cat playing a piano. And friends who check up on me, just when I need it, reminding me of her presence and that she is content.

Tika and her true love of life, the strength and intentionality of her journey has me awe struck. The day she went to Heaven was the most gorgeous weather. At the beach and the sparkles were glistening and dancing on the water. I felt she was showing me that where she was was all sunny and sparkly. I tried to step into the light but the closer I got the light got farther away. This made me wonder if that's what going toward the light is like, that when it's your time, you're just met with an almost blinding path of light and it feels so peaceful to keep moving toward it.

As the quote from Silver Linings Playbook goes "The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday, that's guaranteed...". That's true for me right now, and perhaps you too in some way.

Let's remember we are all moving toward the sparkly light!

Sweet Bailey!

 I miss Tika (and Bailey) so much and I know Alan does too. I am ever grateful that they welcomed me into their family. I believe she is with us, but also somewhere perpetually sunny! Her beautiful, loving spirit taught us about the importance of light, warmth, napping and the tranquility of nature. Our lives are just so much richer having been given the gift of her as our daughter, God's daughter, a healing motherly spirit guide in my life, our wondrous angel girl.